The Greatest Graduates of 2009

This year there are two young ladies graduating high school that are particularly special to me. Two of my nieces are moving on from high school to college this summer. Beyond making me extremely old, I am so excited for them! I cannot believe the time has come for this already. I did a session with Ally and Ashley just before we left Texas and due to numerous technological issues, am just now getting them up on my blog! So sad I know. It does not normally take me 7 months to get something blogged!

Ashley goes to Trent High and I remember when I first met Ashley, at the awkward age of 10. She was shy, quiet and insanely polite. Somewhere in the past several years this beauty has turned into the most outgoing and hilarious girl involved in anything and everything at school. She still shocks me from time to time with her antics because I often catch myself still thinking she is that shy quiet girl that she has not been for quite awhile. That's what we call an affect of old age, some of the brain cells that die off with time are the ones that remind you the kiddos grow up at some point as well.

As Trent says good bye to their track star, a nearby college will be greeting her with open arms. Great grades, athleticism, smashing personality and that smile...she will go far no doubt!

I am so proud of the girl she's come to be, intelligent, beautiful, outgoing, caring and a fabulous big sister to her 3 younger siblings as well.

Ally goes to Hawley High and yes, I even remember waaaaaay back to when I first met her. I was supposed to be in the delivery room when she was born, but I lived out of state and as things worked out, I did not get to meet her until she was a few months old. She puked on me. However, from that moment we've been very very close. She's always been dubbed my mini-me, poor girl! We shared a lot of personality traits which have surely driven her parents nuts over the years, as if raising me for a few years wasn't enough. Ally has always owned the room, and probably always will. She's got a commanding presence and that makes me confident she will always get things done and get where she wants to be. From one of the biggest guilt trips of my life when she was 3 that taught me she was no amateur, to having to hug her neck and tell her "goodbye" in front of her house a few months ago she always has been and always will be so very special to me. She is graduating a whole year early and I am so proud of her! She's always been involved in everything under the sun with school and travel softball, who knows...maybe college will be a break?

Ally with her own fab grades, athleticism (which thankfully she did not take after me there), hilarious personality and gorgeous eyes...she will likely have all the professors wrapped around her little finger in no time!

Now if only I were made of money, I'd have some plane tickets waiting for these gals on graduation day to come hang with me for a couple of months! Doesn't everyone want to backpack around Europe before college? This would be without a backpack and well, a constant warm bed and good meals...but seriously, what could be more cool?? *sigh* alas. I have no millionaire benefactor so we'll just have to hope that they can do study abroad during college and stay with us then! (PLEASE!!!)

I miss all my kiddos back home, can you tell?!?!

It is heartbreaking to me that we will not be there to watch them both walk across the stage in a few months, but I know they will know we are there in spirit and in their hearts.

We love you girls and are so so so proud of you both!

Missing you bunches!!!!

(and now, the rare occasion I'm getting a bit misty eyed. that is ENOUGH).

Enjoy!

ASHLEY

ALLYSON

Meet Baby Lucy

Oh...who am I? Sorry, it is me, the author of this long lost blog!!!! I actually have more to post that is sitting in queue from awhile back but this takes precedent at the moment so her Mommy and Daddy can see her photo debut!!!

This gorgeous little baby girl isn't so fond of my camera in her face, but with perseverance and a lot of loves from her Mommy we got what we needed! I saw this girl on her way home from the hospital and was dying to get my camera on her! She is absolutely precious!

Thanks so much for having me over so much guys! Lucy is so sweet and I can't wait to see her again!

Happy Holidays!!!!

Here is wishing everyone everywhere a very very happy holiday! Be careful, be blessed and soak up everyone wonderful moment no matter how large or how small!

With Love -
Aimee and Family!~!!

Testing

An oldie but definitely a goodie. One of my all time faves still. Adorable little Griffin!
I am just checking out some posting methods. Nothing important.

Well HELLO there stranger!

Hey we actually did NOT fall off the face of the earth! Our family is still blowing and going and growing! Okay so the growing part sounded incorrect, just meaning my boys are growing like some super weeds or something. Cut it out with the miracle gro already! I swear they must be hittin the plant food when we are not looking! Just looking at pictures of them before we left and now is insane!
Our trip was wonderful and uneventful and you simply can't ask for more on a trip like that! Our time spent in temporary housing on base was...interesting to say the least. Tight quarters with rambunctious little boys in a strange place with no car and house hunting day in and day out...stress is a tiny bit of an understatement. Luckily they were troopers and we've gotten all moved in and settled to our new home and we LOVE it!
We love our home, we love the people, our neighborhood, the village, the area and the weather. It is just GORGEOUS!
There is such pretty scenery but it is so so difficult to see. You are rarely elevated enough to see over the hedges and there are hedges blocking basically everything. I've tried a few times to shoot some of my favorite places, but have since learned that landscape shooting is definitely NOT my strong point. However, now I'm determined to figure it out!
My break from work was extremely needed and I am so thankful for it! I needed a good recharge and it took awhile! I swear I feel like I've woken up from a long daze! Due to our schedules and the kids and the extreme sleep deprivation I somehow survived on (not the fault of anyone but me really, but you gotta do what you've gotta do) I was completely worn out! A shell of the person I really am! ha!
So it has been very good for me, just looking back to how insanely exhausted I was when we arrived to how well rested and relaxed I am now, is a total 180! I will start back to work in a few more months. Gonna ride out the winter in the coziness of my home with my FIREPLACE!!! (I love a fireplace and have not had one in years!!!).
I have to admit I was mortified to drive here, especially in my US spec. car but it has been NOTHING at all to get used to. Honestly when we watch TV now and someone is driving, I can feel my body sort of leaning to the left as if I can somehow move this person to the other side of the road because it feels so wrong for them to be on that side! Now I'm worried about going back to the right side of the road! I drove Mike's UK spec car and absolutely HATED it! How weird is that? You'd think that I'd feel more comfortable being on the center line again, but it was terrible! Likely due to my complete and total lack of depth perception, being on the "wrong" side of the car actually has helped me a great deal. I can totally fit in some places while MOVING and moving cars coming at me, that I would have never ever in a million years tried before. there is honestly an INCH between my car and the other cars regularly and while I do still wince with every pass, I have both of my mirrors and no scratches on my car or wheels and only one new dent but that is thanks to Mike and the boys playing football (soccer) near my car. *sigh* Boys...

So, I did want to pop on and say hello, we're still kickin' and hey I'll actually have some photos to share soon!
I did some sessions before leaving the country that were going to take awhile to get around to proofing, but I'm working on them as quickly as I can. Wouldn't you know that I am totally cursed? I left my older back up desktop with my sister, and shipped this larger one and kept my laptop with me. My laptop had been on its deathbed ALMOST for about a year, but it just would not die! So, now it has died completely and apparently my big computer was damaged in the move. So, while I wait and wait and wait for damages to be taken care of, it is very very slow going. Regardless, they WILL be delivered by the time promise. NO worries. ;0)

So I do have some images to show on here once again!!! Woohoo!
I've made some pretty big business changes and still in the process of doing so for the 2009 year, but I'm really really excited to get going again! Even though I'm like a world away, I sure hope some of you will stick with me! We don't have a tentative date yet for a return visit home (moving overseas is REALLY expensive!) but I will always keep that updated - perhaps I can sneak off and squeeze a few folks in if they want me that badly! ;) Just don't tell Mike! It will be awhile yet though, so we don't have a clue when it will be. Unfortunately we did not hit the lottery before leaving and stupid plane tickets are just getting more pricey. Great.

I won't even get started on the price of things though!

Not only is the exchange rate between the GBP and the American dollar sort of sickening, it's just expensive over the top of that! For instance... Mike and the boys have McDonald's sometimes (I have not eaten that garbage for a good 3 years now and won't ever again) but one value meal and 2 happy meals. Take a guess? OH man it is crazy. It is always £10 which converts over to roughly $20!!!! Yikes! So we don't eat out much.
I can promise though, that when we DO come home, I'm packing some larger clothes because I will eat myself into a stupor! First stop straight from the airport???? ROSA'S!!! Anyone who knows me at all knew that though. Then roadhouse. Mmmmm some chicken fingers and mashed taters with green beans and a big tasty COLD margarita! I can taste it almost!
Not that it has hurt me a bit to not have all that food around, but I sure do miss it!!! Oh well, I'm getting pretty good at organizing a menu, I said GETTING good, so cooking at home is a big thing here, and much more cost and diet effective anyway.

I hope everyone back home is doing fantastic! We miss all our friends and family and yes...even my clients (and some of my Dr's!!!) but we absolutely LOVE England! It is way way better than I was expecting and we still have not gotten to go out and do much at all!
So...just a check in, check up and check out.
We're still here, keep an eye out for new posts with photos and keep warm! (Oh I suppose it is still a toasty warm 80 there yeah?).

Evil Foul Dirty Rotten Beast

Even though CANCER in itself is such an ugly word, I sometimes think it is simply too nice. Let's call it what it really is. Evil Foul Dirty Rotten Beast.
It has likely, in some way or another, touched each and every one of us in some way or another. For me, it started with a friend (who I've just lost touch with over the years) at the young age of 34 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, after a mastectomy and lymphnodectomy, it then metastasized to her bones, she was able to kick its butt though. Thank God. Another friend who, after years of smoking decided to start taking care of himself and made a New Year's resolution to quit, only to find he had lung cancer that then metastasized to his liver and he was left with mere weeks to live. My paternal Grandfather, rest his beautiful soul, died from complications with prostate cancer that had metastasized to his bones. My maternal Grandfather who had blood cancer, rest his lovely soul as well. My best friend's father, lung cancer. That same best friend's mother is now currently living with lung cancer. My recently deceased uncle, lost to lung cancer. A new friend who at the very young age of 33 is currently working toward reconstructive surgery from her double mastectomy - recently given a thumbs up for full remission (YAY!!!).
I can name numerous other people, friends and loved ones of friends that have been lost or survived this dreadful thing.
Now in the midst of grieving my Uncle, yet another person I care for deeply has befallen this curse. This one really hit home for me as well. Of course they ALL do, but this one, really really struck a chord.
Why? You might ask would this one strike me so much more than any other? One of my very very dear friends, one of my best friends, a girl I would honestly call my "co-worker" as we are both photographers and keep the same horrendous hours, so via instant messaging we "work" together. Night after long sleepy night we are up till the wee hours of the morning working away because we both have our young children at home with us while we try to do this business thing. Our kids are within weeks of each other in age.
It is not my dear friend who has been diagnosed so suddenly with this disease, but her 3.5 year old daughter. Out of the blue. Within days, she went from a happy laughing dancing vibrant little girl, to a cancer patient. Within days, she went from feeling okay, but not 100% herself, to waking up from brain surgery. When I say within days, I most certainly mean just that. I mean from tests done on Wednesday, to immediate admission to the hospital to surgery on her brain to remove this large tumor on Friday.
As my friend relayed this message to me on the phone at midnight the evening they found that she had a mass, I was standing in the hallway in that Houston hospital with her, hearing those sickening words come from a dr's mouth. I'm certain that she handled herself much better than I ever could have. I could envision myself falling down right then and there and being lost in a fog. Worse yet, to get the pathology report a week later.
I'm grateful that they do live in Houston, where there are these amazing hospitals all around. My friend says the dr's are absolutely amazing and they are doing great things.
E is 3.5 and loves to dance and wear sunglasses and love her baby sister and follow her big sister around. Last summer our families got together on the coast, my oldest Kade was instantly smitten with E. and they held hands and hung out together like cool kids tend to do. When they were a little nervous about the dinosaur display, they both hung pretty close to my husband just in case those things really WERE real, he surely would protect them.
I have fretted and worried and simply been a nervous wreck. I can't go to them to help do anything. I could at the very least clean and/or cook or handle calls, take her sessions, babysit the baby.... SOMETHING. However, I am stuck. As we fly out of the country in a mere 7 days, my hands are tied and this silly friend of mine, who much like myself, REFUSES to ever ask for help, much less LET someone (ahem...) I simply must do SOMETHING.
I've set up an account in E's name so that anyone that might want to, can donate. I'd like to send some meals, at least, over to them so that the family can be fed regularly without having to worry with it. Like myself, when she can't work, she just simply does not get paid and frankly, we do this for a living. Sure we are lucky and blessed that we can do what we absolutely LOVE for a living, but regardless, it does have its drawbacks and sick time wasn't ever included in the deal.
I am sure the bills are very quickly mounting to drown them along with other necessities that may be a little more difficult to get right now.
I'm not a good peddler by any stretch, but if you would like to donate, there (should be) will be a button within this post and forever to the side of this blog so that you can very easily make a donation to this family.
They have E who is 3.5 years old and H who is 1.5, so even without this illness they have their hands full on a daily basis. (I know all too well about that).
Currently E is at home, and that seemed to perk her up a bit from being in the hospital. She has had to go to therapy every day since she was released from the hospital as the surgery affected her motor skills. She is having to re-learn how to walk, talk, smile, eat etc... Can you honestly imagine being that age and simply waking up one day unable to do the things that you had down so very well by then? How scary and confusing that must be for such a young child.
Once she begins the treatment for her cancer, she will have to be put under general anesthesia every day to receive her treatments. Every day! I've been put under twice in my life and it took me a couple of days just to get over it, I just can't imagine what this little girl is going to be feeling. I know she is going to go through this with her boxing gloves on though, she is one tough little girl and I saw a photo that another photographer took of her in the hospital where she had worked up the best smile she could. It melted her Mommy's heart (and mine too) to see that.

I've watched the shows on St. Jude's Hospital before and it simply rips your heart out as a parent, to see those babies suffering, but so vibrant and full of spirit. I try to put myself in the shoes of those parents, watching their child have to go through SO MUCH that grown people honestly can't handle a lot of the time, and they go through it with a twinkle in their eyes. Now I imagine this of my beautiful little friend, the little girl that was laughing and holding my son's hand just almost a year ago on the boardwalk as they watched the little train go by.
I wish that I could whip out that magic wand I have yet to find so I could just zap this all away like it never happened.
I've prayed and I've asked for the prayers of anyone I know, and I ask them of you. To pray for this family for this amazing child and that she can put cancer in its place and send it scampering away. I pray that this is one of those things they will just look back on when she is standing there on her wedding day, and her Mom looks at her and remembers the fears she had right now, the sleepless nights, the wondering and the worry and the emotional pain. What a relief, what a scary thing to have gone through when she was so small, but man did it ever put things in perspective and put a new appreciation on even the most normal of days.
That is what I pray for the most. That this is just "one of those things that happened" once when she was little.
I pray that the dr's be on their toes, steadfast and really damn smart and attentive and kind and caring to a child, and her terrified parents. That E knows how many people are praying for her and rooting for her, that she has one helluva cheering squad behind her all over the world (yes! the world!). I pray that even on the days they feel beaten and run down, that that crooked little smile creeps out to lift up their chins and remind them all its okay to feel down sometimes, but keep on trudging through, because that is all you can do. Just stay positive and feel blessed to get to see that smile once more.

I'd give my big toe to get to see her again before I leave, to hug my friend's neck and just let them know that we are here for them...even a few thousand miles away, we're still right HERE with them. Regardless, I hope they know that anyway.

Please pray for E and her family, hug your babies really really tight and if you feel so inclined, you can add to their fund (that they don't know about until this blog posts -- haha!). Now if only I'd have gotten around to blogging this when I made her account a few weeks ago.
I would share a WONDERFUL photo of her with my Kadester, but I'd want to get permission from the parents first before doing so. I fully understand that some folks just like to keep this stuff as private as possible. My blogging would really be respecting that wish huh? Well, that much they just have to deal with.

*****I love you guys very very much and pray for y'all through out the day every day and think of y'all constantly.*******


~~~~scratch that, the button is not in this post, but will be to the top right of the page all the time. thank you!! ~~~~~

I had a little more to say from my last post, but man it was long as it was right? So I saved it for another day. I wanted to say though, that I sincerely appreciate all of the e-mails and comments of support and prayer and condolence for myself and my family. It was, indeed, a great loss but I swear I felt him with me on many occassions and still do.
I know I sound crazy, but I could swear he was in my car with me on the way to his graveside service telling me to turn that "crap" off - that "crap" being some form of hip hop something or other. haha. So, of course I immediately reached over and turned the radio off, and I was alone again. haha. Go figure.

So, anyway, the service was lovely. There were flowers everywhere, the people from the home were very caring, many people had wonderful things to say about him and he looked absolutely beautiful. The wind could have chilled out a little, but other than that...it was lovely.
I hated to see him go and I hated to see my loved ones hurt so much, but it all did turn out nicely (as I've been to some funerals in my day that left a blank stare on my face), so above all I am so thankful that everything turned out so nice and the many people that took the time to come to the funeral and pay their respects and then make the long trek out to Hawley for the burial services.
Thank you all for caring for them so much.

On to my next story, something that I kept to myself awhile back, for the most part. I'm feeling like letting it all out lately. I'm thinking this will be my last "this personal" post on this blog though and will move all of that to a personal blog. Back to business...

I did have to ask my Uncle one thing, one final favor but a very very important favor that I feel only he could carry out properly. I asked that while he is in Heaven that he keep an eye out for a baby boy. He's still pretty new there. My Uncle adored children and was so much fun and such an amazing role model. I asked that perhaps if he found a baby Sawyer, that he keep watch on him and maybe play with him and keep him company for awhile. Sawyer joined the angels in Heaven a few weeks ago. His Mom and Dad have to wait until they get there to see him smile and hold him again, but I know they know he is safe and I hope they will know that he will be entertained with silly antics of a crazy ol' cowboy from Texas and have someone to play with him and hold him until they are again reunited.
If you are curious about the story of little Sawyer, you can click here:
http://mom4life.typepad.com/mom_4_life/from_a_mom_4_life/index.html
or the link to this blog is always over to the right there. Mom4life.

A heart wrenching story of a friend of a friend, who recently experienced a loss that I simply cannot fathom going through. She has been absolutely astounding with the fact that she has blogged I think perhaps daily? Openly shared her heart, her anguish, her reflection and most of all this wisdom that is simply surreal. The only way I can describe it.
I have cried right along with many others, I'm sure, as I've read her posts, watched the slideshow and just felt her heartbreak in my own. Wishing that I could hop on a plane and just go and HOLD this perfect stranger to me. Through all of this though, as I read and have tears streaming, she says something almost daily that makes me, quite literally, say "wow" out loud. Profound things, this mind of hers is out of this world. I know that the things she has posted and will continue to post, will really help heal so very many others that have perhaps even gone through something similar before, or - unfortunately - have yet to. Her wisdom and way with words is simply beautiful and something that should definitely be shared with the world. Even if you can't identify on any level at all with what she has gone through, I feel that things that she says there, can be utilized in many many other aspects of day to day life.

I just happened to be reading night before last and the entire post, but most definitely the end of it, was exactly what *I* needed to read at that exact moment in dealing with my own grief. It was so profound and enlightening and true and, I think, in this situation simply helpful to basically ANYONE grieving or in any pain of any kind. I hope she does not mind that I copied it to print and give to my grandmother and aunt, and one to keep for myself because I know it is something I could go back and read many times through out the rest of my life and be comforted by what she said that day.
Unfortunately on a very very small level I could relate to part of her thoughts of the day. Seeing the young man and imagining what Sawyer would have looked like, and what he would have been like. Of course we mothers, I'm sure all of us, have had daydreams of what our children will look like when they are grown, what they will be like and of course, how much they'll adore their Mommy's right?

My loss, while still painful, I can honestly say pales to near translucent in comparison, but it was nonetheless a painful and confusing loss. I can see a little girl. It’s as far as I ever got it in age...maybe 5 or 6 years old. The only reason I felt it was a girl is because, well one for the drama surrounding the situation for starters - ha! but because with both boys, I smelled tuna fish sandwiches. Constantly. I do not eat tuna. I even craved them a bit, not much but the smell was simply crazy. This last time, I was smelling yogurt. Something I also do not like, but I could not figure out why on EARTH I was smelling yogurt all the time. I went so far as to sniff my kids thinking perhaps they'd broken into the fridge. It was that intense! I would walk around the house thinking I was a bloodhound on a trail trying to find this yogurt haunting. Then when I found out this miraculous and astronomical news, I knew, I mean I KNEW that it was a girl. I knew what her name would have been without a second thought, regardless of how many people thought it was dumb or hated it. I knew it.
Then, when my miracle was taken away just as fast as I'd been made aware of it, I saw her. In my mind a very PERFECT vision of her. Her name would've fit perfectly as well. I won't divulge the name, but it simply meant, "Wild Spirit". Apparently she was just that, her spirit was too wild to stay with us at this time. We will not ever have another baby again physically, but who knows what the future will bring for us. I've always said, since I was a kid, that someday, someway, somewhere and somehow there would be a child that needed me and I would rescue that child. I still feel in the pit of my stomach that will likely happen someday, but again. Who knows?
As I was reminded with this miracle and then painful loss, we're not really in charge of a damn thing and what the hell do we even KNOW anyway? I think we just have to learn from our life day to day and that is in itself, the reason behind it. The meaning of life is knowledge, learning from your life and growing from it and moving on to learn the next thing.
Perhaps someday I will be walking in that field of tall golden grass at dusk and that little girl with her long wild hair blowing in the blinding golden light will no longer have her back to me, but turn to me and smile. Perhaps I will stick with the two beautiful amazing boys that I have, as was the original intention and learn this lesson in another way. Perhaps I will stand in that field and that little girl will turn to me and smile at her Grandma.

Who knows? Someone does, but its not me and I'll just have to wait and see. Even though things hurt like hell sometimes, I still like surprises too. I always feel that one of these days, I'll will look back on this one event in my life and think to myself, "Ooooh, that's what that was all about and this is the event it prepared me for".
Smack myself on the forehead, by George! I've got it! It happens a lot, I'm pretty used to it nowdays.

Never waste a single moment - Part III

On Saturday May 31st I heard that he likely had lung cancer. Bad, bad lung cancer, inoperable but that when something new came up, I'd get an update.
On Sunday June 1st I got a call at 8 in the morning (which is early for this girl) that he had been rushed to the hospital the night before and was in ICU and it was not looking good. When I arrived, the prognosis had changed to him just spending a few days in ICU and going from there. Shortly after I arrived it was changed again to extremely serious and my aunt began making arrangements to have her sons get home to see their Dad one last time. Then within a couple of hours it was gain changed to perhaps not so bad, no promises but he was an amazing man (per the dr. even, who was quite speechless at this).
Perhaps due to the phenomenal rate that the tumor was shrinking, it was just a complication of that because apparently his treatments were working fantastically. Everyone relaxed, just a little. About an hour later, the frantic nurse came out calling for the family. I stayed behind because I did not know what was really going on. My cousin came to get me, I needed to go in right away.
Now, I will say I'd never really decided where I sat on this particular subject. I thought that I was going in to say "good-bye" before he went and that I would go back to the waiting room and wait for the news. However, as I stepped in, he was going. Many people, and I myself had in the past, said that they would not like to remember their loved one like this. However, really when you think about it, is that really fair? Would you want no one to be with you in your final moments because they only wanted to remember you as healthy and vibrant? That is not the way the story ends for that person, it ends with them being ill and well...with the inevitable for us all, death. I was not prepared and was not expecting what I walked in on, but, I was there. I was there for him, with him. I was there with my Grandmother and my aunt and my other aunt, and my cousins. He was surrounded on all sides with people that absolutely adored him, loved him and were telling him it was okay, he could go.
Watching my aunt through this as her husband was slipping out of this life and into the next phase, I don't know how to say it without sounding morbid, but it was beautiful. She has this way she talks to people that I've always loved, it is so soothing and just special. She spoke to him like this; she petted his hair until the very end. She was not concerned for her own loss; she was simply supporting him and comforting him so that he could peacefully move on. My Grandmother comforted him and held his hand, I held hers with his. His sister held his other, his son sat beside him and many others stood around telling him of how much they loved him and that it was okay to let go.
While on one note, it was beyond heartbreaking and still puts an enormous lump in my chest to go back to that moment, it was also so beautiful and my beautiful uncle deserved nothing less. I sincerely hope that people do have an out of body experience and are able to look down upon the room. I hope that he was able to see, what an impact he had on those around him and how deeply he was loved. If nothing else, I would take the greatest comfort in that. To see that in his very last moments on this earth, for his last breaths he was surrounded, supported, comforted and most of all loved. I still cannot believe he is gone. I can't believe that I can not drive down that long narrow tree lined road to his home and hear him outside whistling through his teeth walking around a corner with his thin plaid pearl snap shirt and worn out cowboy hat. I drove down that very road last night to go to my Granny's house and the instant I turned at the corner, memories literally FLOODED me at once. I drove very slowly, because he would have driven very slowly. Driving by his house and past it to my Grandmothers. I remembered how hard he'd worked on growing that Weeping Willow tree. How much time he spent watering all of those trees trying to make them grow, how much pride he took in his yard. I remembered him cussing the people that drove too fast down his road, "People think this is the damn Indy 500 out here!”

Sitting in my Granny's living room, 3 times someone opened the door and walked through and all three times I was shocked when it was not him. Disappointed that he'd not come over to squeeze me to death again. Then, of course, realizing that my last visit, when he met my youngest son for the first time, was the last of those squeezes.

Having someone like him in my life, though, gave me the ability to say how thankful I am right now though. Through my grief, and witnessing the grief of so many people that I dearly love I can clearly see the things to be thankful for. I am thankful that I was not in England but still right here when he went. I am thankful that I was able to kiss him, hug him and tell him I loved him one last time before he went. Thankful that he was coherent enough to squeeze my hand, lean up to attempt a hug and let me kiss his forehead and wink when I told him how much I loved him. I am beyond thankful for that moment indeed. I am thankful that I was able to be there for my Grandmother to lean on physically and emotionally, even if I offered no better support than a fence post, it was something right? I am eternally thankful for all that he did for me. Thankful that he loved me the way he did, that he and my aunt and their boys always welcomed me into their home like it was absurd to think I should not be there. I am thankful that I knew him, that I was lucky enough to love him, that I got all those squeezes through out the years.
I will surely long for another one of those for the rest of my life, but at least I can long for them, I couldn't long for something I never had you know.

At this moment I send out prayers to my family, his extended family, friends, neighbors and anyone ever touched by him. I pray that everyone will know that he did not have to suffer, he is in a better place and he knew he was going there, he let us all know that. He knew he was going and he was ready to go. I pray that everyone can do as my aunt wished of us all, to celebrate him. She will hold his hand again one day, for now she just wanted everyone to celebrate him. It is what he would have wanted. They had something I always admired. Still in love after so very many years, strong, steadfast and unquestionably made for one another.
On Saturday he mowed his Mama's yard and on Sunday he was reunited with his Daddy and Grandparents and may other friends and family members.

Never waste a single moment - Part II

Always there to hold my hand.

There was one man. One man in my life that has had such an enormous impact. Someone that I adored above all others (until I met my sweetheart and had my two little men) but he still ranked very high. Did he know that though? Most likely not. Not anymore, because I suck. In case I did not mention that yet. I suck.

My childhood etc... Is entirely too personal and long and icky to get into. I'll just say that he really stepped up to the plate when he certainly did not have to, but he did. He always did. That was just his nature. He adored me, he loved me so much, and he tried to hug the life out of me every time he ever saw me. (Well, he either loved me that much or I annoyed him that much and he really was trying to squeeze me to death). ha!

He was so thoughtful all the time, thoughtful doing things for others, but I mean contemplating whatever it was that he was contemplating all the time. Always so deep in thought, always lost in admiring something that anyone else never even noticed. He shared the things that we should pay attention to with me; he shared a lot of things with me. He shared his wisdom, his very goofy jokes, his heart, his humor, his home, his own family and even his chocolate milk with me.

He was so much more than what his official title brings to most people's minds. He was my uncle. Not just any uncle mind you, he was UNCLE TOMMY. Any other uncle on the face of the planet would pale in comparison. He would come get me just so we could hang out. I would spend weeks on end invading his home, his fridge and his sofa. I am pretty sure, overall, I spent more time there than anywhere. When he was not working, he was helping someone. Be it a neighbor, a family member...or a bug even. He was tough as nails and tender as a kitten. He could go out and work an oil rig or probably wrestle a bear into submission with his bare hands and then come sit down to a tea party and wear a bonnet if he was asked to by a cute little girl with blonde hair and long stringy legs, or a little girl with black hair, blue eyes and a little button nose...and most recently a little girl with light brown hair and blue eyes and a smile a mile wide. He was there to comfort and console and offer advice through some pretty rough times, he was there to tease me endlessly to toughen me up and just there when he knew I just needed someone. Just there.

He'd take me storm chasing with him, which I'm certain he'd have gotten in big trouble for if my aunt or Granny would've known it. He'd just take me for a ride in his old beat up truck; he'd show me a spot at the creek or the sunset over some pasture out in the middle of nowhere that no one else on earth had likely ever seen. He taught me how to drive his old Ford pick up on the back roads when I was maybe 13. He'd buy me a Dr. Pepper and a Snickers bar on his way to pick me up because it was what I loved most.

I always knew, even when we had not been in touch very often at all that if I were a thousand miles away and I needed him, he'd have been there faster than was humanly possible. He was my father figure and I am SO very proud for that because he was a damn good one. He was a Dad, an Uncle, a friend, an advisor. He was made of steel with a heart of gold. He was superman, John Wayne and Santa Clause.

He devoted his entire life. His every single day to his family. Married young, that's all he'd ever known. Family. It is all that had ever mattered to him. He spent his life loving and caring for his family. Family didn't mean you had the same DNA either. It may have been a neighbor, someone else in town, someone from church...someone broken down on the side of the road. I honestly never figured out when he actually slept. He was so beautiful in every way. Things that I will NEVER forget, that have always stuck with me and always will. His laugh, from a chuckle, to a belly laugh to that very silly giggle he had. When I think back to it, it makes my heart happy and always makes me smile. Some of the sayings he had. I don't care if you cut your left leg off playing with a plastic knife; I guarantee he'd had a worse place on his eye ball at some point in his life. His mustache. He always had a mustache. I've tried to think back and recall if I can remember him without it, I'm sure he might not have had it always, but it’s the only way I can really remember him in the time that I knew him. Sort of scruffy, a rust color is the best way to describe it.

What an amazing man. Anyone that knew him was blessed to have known him and they knew it right away. I wish that I would not have been so stubborn and would have spent every new moment I could with him. I wish that my children would've known him enough to adore him and look back at the photos of them together (that I don't have) and smile. How much more beautiful could one person be? Not to say he did not tell everyone that very thing quite often. ha!

Still to be continued...

Never waste a single moment - Part I

I have many, many things that I should be doing. For myself, for my family, for my friends, for my clients. So many things that always seem so pressing and often get in the way. I know I've mentioned a time or two how horrible I am at getting caught up in working that I basically have my head shoved so far up my derriere it takes a crowbar to get it out.I try so hard, harder and harder the older I get to keep my head out in the air. To TRY so hard to see people. I don't mean to look at them and stare blankly, but to SEE them. Who they are. To let them know how important they are, how amazing they are, but somehow I tend to get tongue tied.
Sometimes I think I'm like a man (sorry guys if I offend, but let's face it...y'all ARE like this, no matter how great you are in every way - we'll just be blunt).

I have so very much to say, how much I love someone, how greatly they have impacted my life, what an important role they play in the lives of everyone they come in contact with. Instead I stand there, before this said person staring blankly, mouth agape a bit of drool escaping (at least that is the best mental image I can give, pretty sexy huh?). Being one to talk way more than I should and taking 3 hours to spit out something that takes normal people 3 minutes, you'd think I would find some way of getting it out. I fail miserably time and time again. Often, writing is the best form of communication for me because I can revise it. Many that know me much at all know that I am afflicted with a mouth that speaks too quickly for my brain to edit the words first. Too many years of being verbally oppressed will do that to a person.

You have likely noticed that this particular post is going in a different direction than any others really have. That is because I have something very important to share with anyone and everyone willing to read and if you read, I beg that you please sit back and process what I am trying to say. I am so compelled to say things, that I must torture anyone who reads me here, with some personal stuff. I have often been torn on how much to share here, I am a very open person and fear that sometimes I am too personal. I have nothing to hide and feel no need to. I like to base my business on being "anti-professional" to an extent. If you've had a session with me, you've kind of figured that much out. If you expected a suit and heels or even something more than a band tee and flip flops, I am certain to have disappointed. I don't really think that I draw the clientele that expects that anyway and it’s a good thing because they wouldn't like my style from one side to the other. That said it seems that there are signs smacking me in the forehead time and again. Like I'm cruising on a conveyer belt getting stamped right between the eyes, "Blind" and then "Ignorant" and perhaps "lost". It is so unfortunate that this year has brought much tragedy before my eyes. Not just for me, but for friends, or even friends of friends. Things that simply touch you in a sad way. Things that have literally had me bawling and physically aching for people that I've never laid eyes on, to my own personal losses.

Now, I will admit, that I am religiously challenged. I took some time away from it, and have tried to find my way back for awhile and can never find that comfortable fit. I began slowly and carefully inching my way back toward it again as things continually happened. I am most definitely a "hippie" at heart if you will. I fully believe in signs and fate and my good friend karma. The signs have simply stacked up one right after the other over the past several months.The year of 2007 ended and 08 began with a loss of my very own. Something that I really did want to share, on one hand just so anyone that was needing stuff from me on a business level would please be understanding to what was going on in my family. On another hand just because I am human and in some ways, it’s nice for anyone else that has been through it or is even going through it to know they are not alone. With the unusual circumstances of this situation, I really wanted to share because I spent countless sleepless nights searching the internet for some sort of information. Some form of an answer, the answer I still have yet to find, but I was trying to find some way to begin the healing. To just get a remote, even stupid answer if I could find it as to WHY. I had to basically put everything to the side and focus on myself and my family, and I do hope that in some way a few people at least got the hint that I had to do that, that there was something going on and I was not just being a pain in the butt.I could not find my answers, or even a bit of comfort so I put it away for a bit and carried on. It surely came back to bite me in the rear with a vengeance only a short while later. I'm still not certain what the message is in this situation, but I know I will find it some day. I've had some pretty big messages take 20 years to take shape, so that I was old enough to understand it. Who knows when I will be able to read the message, but I just have to take it as it comes and know that someday I will know. I do believe that. Any of us that go through incomprehensible situations will someday know why it happened. We will understand why, it made us stronger, it made us better able to deal with a situation that is yet to come, but since none of us know how to see the future, we just have to trust that we will one day be enlightened.

Oh...here I go again (sorry Jayne). Anyone else could just say what they needed to and quite eloquently I am sure in 2 paragraphs. The basic point I want to make is, something we hear all the time but often don't pay a lot of attention to. We're invincible right? Those things will never happen to us. We just can't imagine it; we're not holding that particular situation in our hands, so how can we REALLY relate to it? I will say, do NOT take time for granted, it keeps ticking away whether we act fast enough or not. Do NOT take those who love you for granted; they or you will not always be here. Do NOT let petty things get in the way of relationships that are so very important. Do NOT spend your life saying, "I'll call tomorrow, I'll visit next week, I'll play with them in a couple of hours". You will forget the phone number by tomorrow. They won't be there to visit next week and in a couple of hours? They'll be grown and busy with their own lives and likely learned from you, that they don't have time to visit you, they'll visit next week.

I am so guilty of all of those excuses I should hide under a rock for eternity. However, I have too many phone calls to make, too many visits to take care of and a whole LOT of playing to get done. The rock shall wait. I'll deal with it, and I will stand up and own it. I suck. I have not been a great daughter, sister, friend, granddaughter, niece, wife and sadly, Mom. I had so many things I had to get done. When all I think about is being able to kick off my shoes and run across fresh green grass in my bare feet and sit quietly in a field and watch the sun set inch by inch, hold my Grandmothers hand and hear stories of where I come from, kiss my children too many times in one day, make sure my husband really understands how special he is, do something totally silly with my sister, laugh with my friends, sit around with my aunts and uncles and cousins and for goodness sakes, CALL MY DAD!
Many years ago, I let a "person" get in the way of many of my relationships. Basically all of them in some form or fashion. That created a domino effect and even when that "person" was finally gone, it was so awkward to try to rebuild those relationships. So...I'd do it tomorrow. I'd set my pride aside and go take care of it next week. Now, I will give myself credit that I did indeed try to mend some of those broken fences, but was still so stubborn that I wasn't fully letting go. I wasn't fully just laying it all down and moving on. So it got nowhere, obviously.
From that, I lost one of my Grandfathers, who I adored without ever fully working past some absolutely absurd silly petty issues and just telling him how much he really did mean to me and that I loved him and thought of him all the time and adored the memories I'd have of him forever. I was not there to hold my Grandmother's hand as she dealt with the loss of her husband, her life partner, someone she'd woken up to for two of my lifetimes almost. I suck. I mentioned that already. Did I then go and fix things with everyone else? Well no. That would make me not suck quite so bad probably right? Yeah.

to be continued...

I think I wrote a novel

I have sat down and typed on a post all through out the day today. Possibly too personal for some, maybe not. If it is...maybe don't read it? Anyway, it turned out extremely long. Astonishing in fact. I had a lot to say...sue me. ;)
I already know the couple of friends that will simply cringe at the length and the wandering thought process, but eh... I felt compelled to say it. I don't have time to sit and edit out things. I feel that they are important.
SO. expect some posts in parts of 3. Maybe 4. It was really incredibly long.

The BIG Announcement! **The longest blog in Aimee Payne history!!!**

So, ya know how I like to throw out little tidbits of info here and there that I have a big announcement? Then, of course, it takes me 2 months to come back and post again, and most likely I've forgotten all about it by then till the next post or two? Not that the announcement is not important, but I have this brain that darts back and forth at 99 mph at all times and I forget. Sort of like I've forgotten to get to the point here and stop stating the obvious.
I was waiting to make my announcement for very good reason. Several of you have already heard rumors, so I am here to let you know that they are, indeed, true. So on with it! We are moving overseas! We are absolutely beside ourselves with excitement! We've been wanting to go for a few years but apparently we're sort of liked around here or something! Go figure. While its NOT Italy (unfortunately) I'll surely take it w/out a complaint! We are heading to England for the next four years in the late summer. My husband will be finishing out his career over there and then we shall return to Texas for good.
Abilene? That I'm not certain of, but Texas without a doubt! Anyone that knows me, or has spoken to me for more than 5 seconds knows I am a Texas gal through and through down to my very core and there's just no keepin' me out of here!

So, with all of that said. I thank EVERYONE for all of the wonderful times they have given me. All of the beautiful and amazing people that I have had the privilege to photograph over the past few years and the ones that have encouraged me to keep going and praised what I do. I honestly don't know how it is for other business people, or other photographers for that matter. For me though, I really put my heart and soul into what I do. I take it personally, which I've been told NOT to do - but with this line of work how can you not? Each individual image is a creation. From the moment I had the vision in my head at the session all the way down to the processed shot you see when I'm finished. I have gone over it time and again until I feel that it is perfect. I'm always made fun of and have been labeled "the machine gun shooter". Yes I do, indeed, take a LOT of photos when I do a session. It is not because I'm unsure of myself or I don't know how to let go of the button, it is because of that perfection that I see. I don't want to miss one single detail and have to make sure I get it exactly as I want it. The slightest breeze or glint of light, has to all be just right for me to be happy with it. I always wished and hoped that clients and anyone else could truly see what I put into my work and what it really means to me.
I lose time with my family, miss moments with my children, miss a LOT of sleep, a regular schedule, tv (what's that?), warm dinners and visiting with my beloved friends etc... b/c I am always working because I love it so much and it has to be EXACTLY like I envisioned it from the start when I am finished and I am not finished until I reach that point. For all that I miss in order to do that, I always hope that people can see and appreciate that. Its a lot. It is me putting myself out on a platter, my creations, my imagination, my view of the world and the people in front of me, and the way I want it portrayed to every other pair of eyes that will see it, its a pretty big responsibility actually. I generally just let out a little laugh when people seem to downplay this work. "its JUST photos..."
Yeah. Right.
At any rate, every single person I have ever photographed, is someone special to me. I will remember the details of each session, just a little something about it. Perhaps something funny that happened, a sad story that goes along with it, their joy or their dream or their ideas or maybe even what they wore, what the weather was like. You'd be surprised. My memory is weird that way. Regardless, it just shows that each individual person makes an impact, however small or large it is - it is, nonetheless, an impact.

I am not saying "good-bye" just "ta-ta for now!"


I have officially closed my appointment book for Abilene for the next few years. Wow is that EVER weird to say? I am no longer taking appointments. I do still have a few left to shoot and get out, but those are only a few and pretty much all friends and family and a few things that are just for the fun of it.

Now that I've gotten all of that out, do you really think I'd just leave y'all without at least having someone that will be able to take some rockin photos of y'all? That I would leave you all lost in the wide world of photographers and unsure of where to go from here? Absolutely not! NEVER!!!! A portrait-perfectionist could do no such thing. Portrait perfectionist - control freak...whatever you want to call it.
I have already referred many new inquiries over to her and will continue to do so. A very lovely young lady who is coming up fast around here in the photography world and doing some very awesome work. I've heard from some of my clients that have seen her working a wedding or knew of her in other ways what a very nice person she is, I'd visited with her via e-mail a time or two and gotten the same impression. Now we've finally had a chance to get together and I still think the same and am certain I had the right person in mind to help me out here. She has graciously stepped up to take on some of my clients and inquiries and hopefully at least a few of the amazing charities that I am involved with. We will be collaborating on some things together before I leave and I am very excited that she is going to be doing this! I am just very picky so don't think I didn't look around and she most definitely won my vote right away!
Um, I ought to toss a name right about NOW huh?

Lindsey Cotton!
lindsey.cotton@gmail.com
325.437.7700

Check her out!!!!
I'm so glad she was truly as nice in person as I'd imagined she would be and I feel totally comfortable saying her name here, linking her site on my blog and sending folks over to her. Treat her good folks!

I will soon be starting a blog (which I will link from here) regarding our move. Our travels and whatever other insanity that might pop in my head at the time. Of COURSE there will be photos. Lots and lots of photos. So if you would like to keep up with me and all these boys, definitely sign up for the updates and keep watch!

Anyway - that is a wrap for this evening's novel. Please be sure to have a look at Cotton Photography and if you have any questions regarding anything at all - please do not hesitate to contact me!
art.image.attitude@gmail.com

325.201.2198

Thanks Abilene and Surrounding Areas!
Peace Out!
(does that make me sound special? just wondering...)

Back Home

So speaking of Hometown sessions...

Meet Josie, she desperately wanted her senior portraits done in her hometown. However, she had to move a few years ago and now lives near the metroplex. Don't think a 4 hour round trip would stop this girl! She loaded up her new graduation gift with lots and lots of clothes (and Mom!), hit the road and headed our way! She seemed so grateful that she was able to come back and have this done in the place she'd created the majority of her childhood memories.

We had an absolute BLAST taking her photos! I know I often mention how a certain senior is up for anything, Josie was REALLY up to anything! Hanging off of anything, swinging on anything, upside down or flying through the air! What a wild set of portraits this will be when its all put together! So much fun!

I am also so glad that her Mom reluctantly agreed to be in a few shots with her baby girl. She really does not like to have her portraits made (why do we think I work on the BACKside of the lens?) but she was a good sport and took some gorgeous photos with Josie. I love them! Coming from someone who cannot relate to what they have, it is truly heartwarming to see a teen girl and her Mom so very close and having so much fun together. I can see how much they treasure their relationship, and that is honestly really, really nice to see.

ANYway...enough sappy stories out of me! On with the sneak peek!

Down in the Hometown

The other day I met up with Boone and his Mom in their (and mine) hometown for a senior session. It was really neat, to me, to get to do a session in THE place where all of his high school memories were made. Everyone always wants to come to Abilene - which is fine of course - but I just think it will be awesome for him to be able to look back at how he looks NOW in his senior year at the places that he spent that year. We did shots around the school and then around the teeny tiny town, I love finding new locations and doing something different - we definitely made it work and I hope that others will follow the trend soon and take advantage of this special session that I offer for high school seniors.

Thank you guys! I had a great time and, of course, it was neat for me to take a stroll down memory lane as well!

Cutie in a hat

I love it when girls show up with hats! I have no idea why, but I sure do! Maybe b/c I'm never gutsy enough to wear more than one of my old ratty UT trucker caps or something... they are too cute! So when Chelsea pulled out this darling hat, I got all kinds of excited! We had a great time last weekend shooting her senior portraits! We went all over downtown and a few other spots as well. You can obviously see what a pretty girl she is, apparently a lot of others in town did too because I heard so many whistles as cars drove by and I'm certain it was not directed at me. Had a great time with you! Enjoy your sneak peek!

A Little bit of Everything

Weekend before last (yep because I'm still trying to get everyone caught up here!) I also shot Ashton's senior portraits. She and her Mom saw some of my unique graduation announcements from last year and they said that portraits and announcements from me were a "Must Have" for her farewell to high school. (I love being a "must have")!

We had SO much fun! This girl showed up with a car FULL of clothes and we went EVERYWHERE till the sun went down! We finally quit when the sun hid from us and the mosquitoes decided we looked like a good snack. (Mosquitoes in April???? Is that normal? I was hoping for a longer break from those awful things!).

We had a little urban, a little retro and a little country all in one session. What fun!

Here is a sneak peek for you guys! Enjoy! :)

seniors! seniors everywhere!

Its now down to the wire and I am finishing up the last of my Class of 2008 seniors! I've been behind on blogging due to electrical issues. Between the storms lately and the new power company we just switched to (yes - I am THRILLED with them already) I've had to go without power on several occasions and its driving me nuts and putting me really behind!

I met with Christie and her Mom last Saturday (yes, LAST Saturday!) and we visited a few places around town. Let me just say that whatever this girl does in her future, its GOT to be some form of entertainment. She is such a character! So funny and not afraid to do anything or act silly to get the look.

I had a great time with you guys! Enjoy your sneak peek!